When I was a teen having newly rededicated my life in a charismatic church, I believed for a while that God would call us to do something outrageously big and it’d be unexpectedly amazingly successful, just because God would want to get people’s attention that way. Isn’t that a funny belief? The way I thought, for a minute, that might happen for me is that I would become an artist and make something really profound. This did not happen. Later, after studying abroad in Central America in college, I tended to have more service oriented expectations about what I’d be called to do and did/some days do have guilt about not doing more. I think what helps me the most are the survivors I work with. the ones who have transformed the most and have the most love for others, and for me, even, show me what is good, what a grateful, humble
life looks like. Sometimes I can turn on one of their voices in my head and she says it's enough, well done, rest now. And I have also come to see myself in the survivors I work with and realize that they are not other than me, we are all women, we have been through some of the same things in this world. So, I don’t see myself as helping as much as I once did, it’s a journey we go on together.
Your thoughts about vocation feel so familiar. I feel like I'm definitely unlearning some of those dynamics, specifically around freedom and joy. I'm really trying to break out of some patterns I've fallen into over the last 3-4 years, and I'm trying to use my upcoming birthday as a good starting point. I'm planning to do 30 days of trying something new every day, and starting to work through the Artist's Way. Grateful for your reflections!
Ooooh, I love that! I hope you'll share what you do each of your 30 days (or some of them anyway!). Also - going through the Artist's Way with a group of folks a year and a half ago was a key step in my journey towards freedom and joy too. Good stuff.
Thanks for this reflection! I can really relate to this and have sometimes described myself as being in a constant state of vocational discernment. For me it wasn’t so much that God’s call was antithetical to what I really wanted to do but that what I wanted to do was basically irrelevant. I had a lot of trouble identifying what really made me come alive (or maybe the things that did kind of terrified me or seemed impractical- acting, writing). There were things that I was good at (computer programming, math). Then there was God calling me (of course to ministry). It’s not that ministry was safer, and it was a struggle to say “yes” to ministry. But in the end it became easier to let God decide what I should do rather than make the decision for myself. I believe I really did hear God’s call though, so somehow it all belongs. All this to say I continue to think about these things 25 years after going to seminary and 20 years after being ordained.
Sounds about right! And the reality is, how we inhabit "ministry" can look so many different ways. So even if you do choose to be an ordained pastor, exactly what you choose to do in that role is still open to discernment. I mean, it can include acting and writing and any manner of things!
I've been struggling with this issue as well. As I felt like my past calling (and even now) in ministry has been a way of self-denial, taking up the Cross, doing something that was very difficult but rewarding. As I've dealt with issues of burnout and mental health, where I could no longer minister in the ways I've done in the past, I've come to reassess what it means for me to fully embrace God's calling. Does it always have to fit into our traditional, preconceived ideas of what ministry looks like? Or can it be a celebration of the gifts and talents God has deposited in me, however unconventional, and a celebration of a deep desire to be creative and express His graces through creative means. A good article!
Thanks, David. Yes - more and more I've been realizing that we tend to uplift certain kinds of vocations and denigrate others, when I think God's creativity and imagination is just so much bigger. Blessings to us both in our continuing discernment!
I truly believe that when we are doing the things that bring us the deepest joy, that is precisely how we will help the most people, even if it is not obvious to our rational mind. But the opposite belief is so ingrained in us, and it’s something I constantly have to fight against in my own mind. I’m looking forward to learning more about your unfolding journey!
Thank you so much! Yes, definitely think there's something to that. Trying to figure out how it all fits together. And "unfolding" is one of the key words I'm working with in this season, so appreciate seeing that word in your comment!
When I was a teen having newly rededicated my life in a charismatic church, I believed for a while that God would call us to do something outrageously big and it’d be unexpectedly amazingly successful, just because God would want to get people’s attention that way. Isn’t that a funny belief? The way I thought, for a minute, that might happen for me is that I would become an artist and make something really profound. This did not happen. Later, after studying abroad in Central America in college, I tended to have more service oriented expectations about what I’d be called to do and did/some days do have guilt about not doing more. I think what helps me the most are the survivors I work with. the ones who have transformed the most and have the most love for others, and for me, even, show me what is good, what a grateful, humble
life looks like. Sometimes I can turn on one of their voices in my head and she says it's enough, well done, rest now. And I have also come to see myself in the survivors I work with and realize that they are not other than me, we are all women, we have been through some of the same things in this world. So, I don’t see myself as helping as much as I once did, it’s a journey we go on together.
Your thoughts about vocation feel so familiar. I feel like I'm definitely unlearning some of those dynamics, specifically around freedom and joy. I'm really trying to break out of some patterns I've fallen into over the last 3-4 years, and I'm trying to use my upcoming birthday as a good starting point. I'm planning to do 30 days of trying something new every day, and starting to work through the Artist's Way. Grateful for your reflections!
Ooooh, I love that! I hope you'll share what you do each of your 30 days (or some of them anyway!). Also - going through the Artist's Way with a group of folks a year and a half ago was a key step in my journey towards freedom and joy too. Good stuff.
Thanks for this reflection! I can really relate to this and have sometimes described myself as being in a constant state of vocational discernment. For me it wasn’t so much that God’s call was antithetical to what I really wanted to do but that what I wanted to do was basically irrelevant. I had a lot of trouble identifying what really made me come alive (or maybe the things that did kind of terrified me or seemed impractical- acting, writing). There were things that I was good at (computer programming, math). Then there was God calling me (of course to ministry). It’s not that ministry was safer, and it was a struggle to say “yes” to ministry. But in the end it became easier to let God decide what I should do rather than make the decision for myself. I believe I really did hear God’s call though, so somehow it all belongs. All this to say I continue to think about these things 25 years after going to seminary and 20 years after being ordained.
Sounds about right! And the reality is, how we inhabit "ministry" can look so many different ways. So even if you do choose to be an ordained pastor, exactly what you choose to do in that role is still open to discernment. I mean, it can include acting and writing and any manner of things!
100% yes - thank you for naming that!
I've been struggling with this issue as well. As I felt like my past calling (and even now) in ministry has been a way of self-denial, taking up the Cross, doing something that was very difficult but rewarding. As I've dealt with issues of burnout and mental health, where I could no longer minister in the ways I've done in the past, I've come to reassess what it means for me to fully embrace God's calling. Does it always have to fit into our traditional, preconceived ideas of what ministry looks like? Or can it be a celebration of the gifts and talents God has deposited in me, however unconventional, and a celebration of a deep desire to be creative and express His graces through creative means. A good article!
Thanks, David. Yes - more and more I've been realizing that we tend to uplift certain kinds of vocations and denigrate others, when I think God's creativity and imagination is just so much bigger. Blessings to us both in our continuing discernment!
I truly believe that when we are doing the things that bring us the deepest joy, that is precisely how we will help the most people, even if it is not obvious to our rational mind. But the opposite belief is so ingrained in us, and it’s something I constantly have to fight against in my own mind. I’m looking forward to learning more about your unfolding journey!
Thank you so much! Yes, definitely think there's something to that. Trying to figure out how it all fits together. And "unfolding" is one of the key words I'm working with in this season, so appreciate seeing that word in your comment!
So good! Loved this and relate so much. Thanks for putting words to what so many of us feel.
It's definitely bittersweet to hear that other folks relate - the camaraderie is nice, but also a bummer! Here's to healing for all of us :)